Promoting peace and harmony from an Abrahamic perspective

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What is Forgiveness?

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Forgiveness can be defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance or anger toward a person or a group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. It does not mean forgetting, or condoning or excusing offenses. 

 

Why is Forgiveness important?

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Learning to forgive and believing that we can be forgiven is very important for our happiness, spiritual, emotional and mental wellbeing and growth and personal development. Without the ability to forgive, we often find ourselves ‘stuck’ in the past and can be very destructive in our present and future relationship with others.

 

How can Forgiveness help us?

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When we are able to forgive someone for hurting or betraying us, we let go of the anger and resentment that we would otherwise feel toward that person or group of people.. Anger and resentment- when we let go of it- can ‘set us free’ from becoming slaves to emotions and thoughts which often only lead to destructiveness and hurt- not just for others but also to ourselves. 

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To forgive someone does not mean simply letting them back into your lives- because once trust is broken it often takes a long time to trust the same person again and it is understandable that one may be cautious of exposing themselves to repetitive behaviour. Forgiving is more about letting go of any resentment and bad wishes upon that person- wishing them well, and not wanting them to get ‘punished’ or to ‘suffer’ for the consequences of their action.

When we learn how to forgive others, we find that we are much more likely to move on from traumatic experiences that may have been inflicted upon us by others in our past. It is a great medicine for those suffering with post-traumatic stress-disorder. However sometimes moving on from these experiences also involves us having to forgive ourselves too- and this can be very difficult if we are the ones that have made a mistake and believe it to ‘unforgivable.’ Feelings of guilt, anger to ourselves, feelings of reduced self-esteem can take over our emotions, occupy our minds and eat away at us day in day out- and hold us back from embracing the present and being creative in the future. These negative emotions are very destructive to our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being. That is why it is very liberating for us to know how to forgive others- because the more we forgive others for their faults, the more likely we are able to feel ‘worthy’ of forgiveness for our own faults.  

 

How Many Times Should We Forgive?

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Belief in a loving and forgiving God helps individuals heal from past hurts. Scriptures, including the Torah, Bible, Gospel, and Quran, emphasise that God forgives those who genuinely repent, regardless of the severity of their actions. However, this belief can lead some to evade personal responsibility, thinking they can repeatedly sin and still receive forgiveness. While God desires accountability, the intention behind our actions is crucial. Sinning out of ignorance is more forgivable than knowingly committing a sin, which can lead to consequences.

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This raises the question: how many times should we forgive? At what point should we hold someone accountable for their harmful actions? Here, the idea of 'giving it to God' becomes valuable. Allowing Him to be the ultimate Judge ensures that those who do not repent face appropriate consequences. God understands our intentions and the reasons behind repeated harmful actions, embodying both forgiveness and mercy. Forgiveness is often easier when someone acknowledges their mistakes, while mercy involves withholding punishment even when it’s warranted. To truly forgive, we must also strive to be merciful.

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Continuously forgiving someone for the same error doesn't require you to keep putting yourself in a harmful situation with that person. You can choose to forgive and release any resentment while hoping for the best for the individual who hurt you, and still remove yourself from a situation that could lead to more harm. Forgiveness doesn't equate to trusting them. Rebuilding trust, particularly in relationships, can take years once it's been broken.

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What does Abrahamic Scripture teach about 'Forgiveness?'

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Jewish scripture offers profound insights into the concept of forgiveness, emphasising its significance both in the relationship between individuals and in the relationship between humanity and God. One of the foundational texts regarding forgiveness can be found in the Torah, particularly in the book of Leviticus, where the principles of atonement and reconciliation are established. The notion of 'Teshuvah,' or repentance, is central to this understanding, highlighting the process through which an individual can seek forgiveness for their transgressions. This process involves sincere remorse, a commitment to change, and a return to a more righteous path.

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The teachings of the Prophets further elaborate on the importance of forgiveness. For instance, the prophet Isaiah speaks of God’s willingness to forgive those who genuinely repent, illustrating the boundless compassion and mercy that is a hallmark of the divine character. This notion reinforces the idea that forgiveness is not merely an act of absolution but a transformative experience that fosters healing and renewal. In the Psalms, King David exemplifies this relationship, expressing deep contrition for his sins and seeking God's forgiveness, which underscores the personal and communal aspects of repentance.

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Jewish tradition emphasises the ethical imperative of forgiving others. The Talmud teaches that one should strive to emulate God's qualities, including His readiness to forgive. This is particularly evident during the High Holidays, especially Yom Kippur, when individuals reflect on their actions over the past year and seek to atone for their wrongdoings. It is a time for introspection and for reaching out to those one may have wronged, highlighting the communal aspect of forgiveness and the restoration of relationships.

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The concept of 'Mikvah' or ritual immersion, is also linked to the themes of purification and forgiveness, symbolizing a new beginning and the washing away of past sins. This ritual underscores the physical and spiritual dimensions of forgiveness, illustrating how deeply intertwined these concepts are in Jewish thought. The practice of forgiveness is not only a personal endeavour but also a communal responsibility, fostering a sense of unity and mutual respect among individuals.

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In conclusion, Jewish scripture teaches that forgiveness is a multifaceted process that encompasses divine mercy, personal repentance, and interpersonal reconciliation. It calls for a sincere effort to mend relationships, both with God and with fellow human beings, and encourages a continuous journey of self-improvement and ethical living. The teachings surrounding forgiveness serve as a guiding principle for individuals seeking to navigate the complexities of human relationships while fostering a deeper connection with the divine.

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The concept of forgiveness is also central to the teachings of Jesus Christ, emphasising its importance in the lives of individuals and communities. Christ presents forgiveness not only as a moral obligation but as a transformative act that reflects God's love and mercy. One of the most profound teachings on forgiveness can be found in the Lord's Prayer, where Jesus instructs his followers to pray, 'Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors' (Matthew 6:12). This phrase highlights the reciprocal nature of forgiveness, suggesting that receiving forgiveness from God is intricately linked to our willingness to forgive others. Moreover, in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35), Jesus illustrates the importance of extending forgiveness to others. In this story, a servant who is forgiven a massive debt by his master fails to show the same mercy to a fellow servant who owes him a much smaller amount. The consequences of his lack of forgiveness serve as a stark warning about the dangers of harbouring resentment and the necessity of embodying the grace we receive. Additionally, Christ's teachings emphasize that forgiveness is not merely an act of the will but a heartfelt process that can lead to healing and reconciliation. In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus instructs his disciples to forgive those who sin against them, even if they repent multiple times in a single day. This teaching underscores the boundless nature of forgiveness, encouraging believers to cultivate a spirit of mercy that mirrors God's infinite compassion. Furthermore, Christ’s own example of forgiveness during his crucifixion, where he prayed for those who were executing him, saying, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing' (Luke 23:34), serves as the ultimate model for believers. This act of forgiveness, even in the face of extreme suffering, illustrates the depth of Christ's love and the radical nature of his teachings. In summary, Christ's teachings on forgiveness challenge individuals to reflect on their own lives, encouraging them to release grudges and embrace a path of compassion and understanding. By understanding forgiveness as a divine principle that fosters peace and unity, believers are called to practice it diligently, thereby transforming their relationships and communities in profound ways.

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The concept of forgiveness is also a fundamental theme in the Quran, deeply interwoven into the fabric of its teachings and the ethical framework it presents to humanity. The Quran emphasises the importance of forgiving others as a reflection of one's own moral character and as a means of fostering a harmonious society. It encourages believers to let go of grudges and to seek reconciliation, highlighting that forgiveness is not merely an act of kindness but a significant virtue that can lead to spiritual growth and divine mercy.

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In various verses, the Quran illustrates that Allah is the Most Merciful and the Most Forgiving, setting a divine example for humanity to emulate. For instance, Surah Al-Baqarah (2:237) states, "And if you pardon and overlook and forgive, then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." This verse underscores the idea that forgiving others is a pathway to receiving Allah's forgiveness and mercy in return. The Quran also encourages believers to forgive those who have wronged them, as it fosters unity and peace within communities.

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The Quran acknowledges the human tendency to feel hurt and anger when wronged, but it urges individuals to rise above these feelings. Surah Ash-Shura (42:40) teaches that the recompense for an injury is an injury equal to it, but it emphasizes that the better course is to forgive and strive for reconciliation. This perspective not only promotes personal healing but also contributes to the overall well-being of society by reducing animosity and conflict.

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Additionally, the Quran presents forgiveness as an act that should be practised not only in personal relationships but also in broader social contexts. It calls upon individuals to forgive those who may have wronged them, even in cases of betrayal or injustice and encourages the pursuit of peace and understanding. The act of forgiveness is portrayed as a means of liberating oneself from the burdens of resentment and anger, allowing for personal growth and spiritual elevation.

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The teachings of the Quran on forgiveness are a call to cultivate a spirit of compassion and understanding. By forgiving others, individuals not only seek to emulate the divine attributes of mercy and compassion but also pave the way for their own spiritual enlightenment and a more peaceful existence within their communities. In this way, the Quran's teachings on forgiveness resonate deeply with the human experience, offering guidance on how to navigate the complexities of interpersonal relationships while fostering a sense of unity and harmony among all people.

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How can we become more 'Forgiving?'

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The first step towards becoming more forgiving is humility—acknowledging that we are all human and prone to making mistakes. We are human, not angels- nor are we entirely self-reliant. We lack complete control and cannot fully understand others' thoughts, emotions, and intentions behind their actions, just as others cannot fully understand ours.  Only God knows all these things and understands us better than we know ourselves—so why not let Him be the Ultimate Judge? We can only judge an action, not the intention or other reasons that may have led to it. 

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 To accept our own mistakes, let's remember that those who are most wise often have learned from their own mistakes or from those of others. It's okay to err out of ignorance, as long as we reflect, learn, and change our ways. This way, we can transform negatives into positives and use the knowledge and wisdom gained from past mistakes to help others now and in the future. 

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The next step is to avoid being judgmental. Before blaming, accusing, or getting angry with others for their faults and misdeeds, let us consider ourselves—are we as harsh on ourselves as we are on them? Have we never erred or hurt others out of ignorance? It's easy to judge others when they make a mistake or act in a way we perceive as 'wrong.' However, let's remember how we learned what is right and wrong, often through our own experiences. We have erred too, and our spiritual development may not be at the same stage as someone else's. Everyone is on their own journey. We all make mistakes. How often have we said or done something with good intentions, only to be falsely accused of trying to harm? If this can happen to us, it can happen to others too.

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Treating others as we wish to be treated—and reminding ourselves of this when someone hurts or upsets us—can help us be more forgiving. When we err, don't we wish to be forgiven? Do we desire anger, vengeance, and punishment for our faults? If we want mercy and forgiveness, we must extend the same to others. 

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Believing that the more we forgive others, the more we will be forgiven can be very helpful. For those who do not believe in God, consider this: how likely are you to forgive yourself for causing harm if you cannot forgive someone else for similar actions? Would you find it easier to forgive yourself if you were more forgiving of others? If the answer is yes, then let's learn to be more forgiving so we can move on from our past mistakes, learn from them, change our ways, and use our insights to positively impact our lives and others' lives now and in the future. 

 

How can we be Forgiven?

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Steps to Seek Forgiveness

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1. Acknowledge the Wrongdoing- Recognise the actions that have caused harm, whether to others or yourself. This acknowledgment helps confront the reality of the situation and its consequences.

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2. Express Genuine Remorse- Feel and convey sincere regret for the harm caused. Understand the impact of your actions on others and communicate this remorse effectively.

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3. Make Amends-Reach out to those you have hurt with a heartfelt apology. Actively seek to make restitution where possible to demonstrate your commitment to repairing the damage.

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4. Engage in Personal Reflection- Reflect on your actions and their motivations. Utilize methods such as journaling, counselling, or discussions with trusted individuals to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Work on Self-Forgiveness- Alongside seeking forgiveness from others, focus on forgiving yourself. This is crucial for healing and moving forward.

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6. Embrace Compassion and Empathy- Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Cultivating compassion for yourself and others can facilitate the forgiveness process.

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7. Engage in Spiritual Practices-Consider prayer, meditation, or seeking guidance from spiritual leaders to support your journey towards forgiveness.

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8. Be Patient and Persistent- Recognise that the journey to forgiveness is not linear and may involve setbacks. Stay committed to the process and allow yourself time to heal.

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9. Focus on Liberation- Understand that forgiveness is about freeing yourself from guilt and resentment, opening the door to healing and growth.

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By following these steps, the process of seeking and granting forgiveness can lead to profound personal transformation and improved relationships.

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Some Scripture Verses about Forgiveness

 

‘Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits;  Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion…’ Psalm 103 2-4

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'Surely God loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves.' Quran 2:222

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..’He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His Love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him…’ Psalm 103; 10-13

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‘..and Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'   Luke23:3

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‘and whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also Who is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.’ Mark 11:25

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'The Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him (disbeliever), and he will dwell therein in ignominy,- unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for God will change the evil of such persons into good, and God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to God with an (acceptable) conversion.' 

Quran 25:69-71

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“..and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Mathew 6:12

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‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His Will in all that you do, and He will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:5-6

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Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of God. Indeed, God forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."' Quran 39:53

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'Believers, do not hunt when you are in the holy precinct. Whichever of you purposely kills game in the holy precinct has to offer, as an expiation, a sacrifice in the holy precinct which two just people among you would consider equal to the prey or food to a destitute person or has to fast (for an appointed time) to bear the burden of the penalty for his deed. God forgives whatever was done in the past, but He will take revenge on whoever returns to transgression, for He is Majestic and Capable of taking revenge.' Quran 5:95

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‘O My Devotees, who have committed excesses against their own selves, do not despair of the mercy of God. Surely, God forgives all sins. Indeed He is the most Forgiving, the Merciful.’ Quran 39:53. 

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'Let them pardon and overlook. Would you not love for God to forgive you? God is Forgiving and Merciful.' Quran 24:22

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'Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the ignorant.' Quran 7:199

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‘Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.’ Proverbs 17:9

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'Verily, the Hour is coming, so forgive them with gracious forgiveness.' Quran 15:85

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'The believers are those who spend in charity during ease and hardship and who restrain their anger and pardon the people, for God loves the doers of good.' Quran 3:134

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‘Hatred stirs old quarrels, but love overlooks insults.’ Proverbs 10:12

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'The angels glorify and praise their Lord and seek forgiveness for those on the earth. Verily, God is the Forgiving, the Merciful.' Quran 42:5

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'Whoever is patient and forgives, verily, that is among the matters of steadfast determination.' Quran 42:43

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'Say to those who believe that they should forgive those who expect not the days of Allah, as it is for Him to recompense people for what they have earned.' Quran 45:14

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'And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards God, that ye may attain Bliss.' Quran 24:31

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'O ye who believe! Turn to God with sincere repentance, in the hope that your Lord will remove from you your ills and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow ... ' Quran 66:8

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‘’..For I will forgive their wickedness and I will remember their sins no more..’ Hebrews 8:12

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'God accept the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and repent soon afterwards; to them will God turn in mercy: For God is full of knowledge and wisdom. Of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil, until death faces one of them, and he says, "Now have I repented indeed;" nor of those who die rejecting Faith: for them have We prepared a punishment most grievous.' Quran 4:17-18

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